Sunday, July 2, 2023

Conversations worth having: Cheri Torres and Jackie Stavros

How can you have more meaningful conversations? https://youtu.be/iu9YMj8uPFE In this conversation with Cheri Torres and Jackie Stavros we explore the guidelines to have more meaningful conversations. Imagine how that might improve your daily conversations and ongoing relationships. ----- 00:00 Introduction 02:47 Conversations worth having 05:30 Support self talk 07:45 Better self talk 08:48 Instead of criticizing yourself, talk positive 09:56 How to address criticism from others 11:40 Ask generative questions to change how people think 14:10 Be curious because it's healthier 16:17 Your body, brain & nervous system are connected 20:51 What is appreciative inquiry? 22:01 Appreciative inquiry for team leaders 24:43 How to build a stronger team 25:00 Think before you speak 28:21 Conversations Worth Having - the book 31:47 How to steer a meeting in a constructive direction 33:48 How to prepare your questions before the meeting 36:10 Make the invisible visible ----- Listen to this conversation with Jackie Stavros & Cheri Torres on episode 94 of Your Intended Message https://yourintendedmessage.podbean.com/e/conversations-worth-having-jackie-stavos-cheri-torres/ ----- About my guests: They are co-authors of the book, Conversations Worth Having: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Fuel Productive and Meaningful Engagement Jackie Stavros is known for creating a program called SOAR. That's a positive approach to strategic thinking, planning and leading. She's worked in 25 countries using appreciative inquiry to help 1,000s of people. Cheri Torres is a serial entrepreneur having started one nonprofit and two for profit organizations. She holds a Master's in transpersonal psychology and PhD in educational psychology. Learn more about Conversations Worth Having and the free resources here. https://www.conversationsworthhaving.today/ ----- Excerpts from this conversation with Jackie Stavros & Cheri Torres: That's a great question. And I think the title of your podcast is a great question to ask those people. When somebody comes at you like that, to ask, what is your intended message? What are you trying to tell me? What is it you're hoping I'm going to get from this? Because usually behind that criticism is a thought or an idea about wanting to inspire you. You know, if you a parent who says Why can't you do what your brother does? Maybe they think they're trying to inspire you. But instead, what you hear is I'm not as good as I'm less than. And so being able to have that open conversation of what, what's your intended message for me? And okay, yeah, I would like to improve what suggestions do you have for me? What specifically do you think I could do? That would make me either more effective or better at or whatever the intended message is? To really ask those those kinds of questions. And Jackie mentioned generative questions. A generative question is one that changes the way people think. And you do that by asking questions that either make the invisible, visible, like, what's your intended message? I'm going to make the invisible intention visible by asking that question. Or asking questions that create shared understanding what is it that you would like me to do? Here? Can you be specific, so I know exactly what you want. And then we're both on the same place sit in the same space, we both under have a shared understanding. The third thing a generative question does is it generates new knowledge. You know, I wish I could do more of what my neighbour does, but I'm not sure how she does that. Do you know? And now I'm gonna gather new information, or I go interview my neighbour to say, how is it that you're able to accomplish all of that? So I get I get new knowledge. And then the fourth one, which is often the most fun is, is inspiring possibilities. What if he did this? And, you know, imagine that? How would we do that? So it's kind of opening up the door, but all of those kinds of questions, literally broaden your view of what's happening. And that changes the way you think about any situation. Now, Sherry, I noticed some, some powerful wisdom in there and advice. And what, what resonated with me is that when one when we think we're being criticized that instead of responding in anger, or defending, or counter attacking, we respond with curiosity. Hey, George, that's exactly right. Get curious. Jackie mentioned to that tuning in that, you know, when we started at the beginning, and you were like, well, can we be intentional with our conversations, that when you and if someone criticises you, it's, it's normal to feel defensive, or like wanting to lash back. But if you pause, that interrupts that pattern, and it also interrupts the, the biochemical soup that is starting to be dumped into your system. ----- https://yourintendedmessage.com/ https://youtu.be/OISqqfad0cg